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2020.11.23 19:32 BoronGorax Coming out as bi to extended, conservative, religious family.

Hi there, sexy bipeds. I'm bi, male, 28, and have been openly out to friends and close family for years now. However, almost all of my extended family have always assumed I'm as straight as uncooked spaghetti.
First, a little background on the extended family. I live abroad, in Germany, and rarely get to see them. They all live in Scotland and there's a literal clan of 'em - any time I go and visit my grandparents I'll see a few dozen people at least who I'm related to in some capacity. Because of a mix of past trauma (my dad took his own life a decade ago), and pretty overt homophobia, strict conservatism, and general intolerance on that side of the family, it's always been hard for me to visit - partly because I'm liberal and try to, y'know, be a decent human being toward other cultures, minorities or whatever, partly because I've always felt like the ghost of my father and partly because I'm openly bi and date sexy people by personality and attractiveness first, genitals second. (Though nice genitals are always a plus. Yum.)
To sum it up, I rarely visit. Even so, whenever I do, there is an inevitable barrage of questions about marriage, monogamy, girlfriends, and so on. And yeah, sometimes I'm like, 'sure I'm dating somebody.' but there have been a lot of occasions where I've just bitten my tongue bc I was dating a guy at the time. And every single time I visit (probably once a year or so), I'm confronted with a lot of entrenched homophobia, racism, misogyny, traditional values and heavy (very) religious overtones. I'll happy have conversations with grandparents, aunts, uncles, second aunts, whatevers, about sexuality, but no conversation ever seems to bear fruit. To be not straight is sacrilegious and sinful and, well, fuck, in their eyes I'm eternally damned to fiery Oblivion.
Or, I would be, if they knew the slightest thing about who I really am.
It hurts. It hurts to visit bc I've wanted to come out and be closer to my family, particularly to my grandparents, who never really recovered from the sudden loss of my father. It hurts bc I'm bombarded with messages of 'love' and 'acceptance' even tho if I came out I'd probably be disowned. It hurts because of the countless convos I've had with family members who are casually homophobic, highly intolerant, and extremely religious, and ultimately, I know that the messages of love and acceptance come with a stringent list of non-negotiable conditions:
No sex before marriage. NO MAKEUP ON MEN, FAG. No sex with other men. Marriage itself. M O N O G A M Y. Holding hands is for HETS and only HETS. No drugs, they're the work of the devil. No cussing. No cross-dressing! (I live to dom people in while I'm wearing pretty dress, HNGH). No M U S L I M S. No immigrants. W O R S H I P B E N E V O L E N T S K Y B E I N G. No Satanic music (I'm a drummer 🤷‍♂️). Men have no F E E L S. No religious beliefs. Except the correct ones. And now even, F A C E M A S K B A D.
You get the idea. Not an easy bunch to be queer asf around.
Hell, on the other side of my family, (my mother's), several close friends of my grandparents/extended family even know I'm bi despite the fact that my actual blood relations don't know.
I want to come out to them so badly, but I just can't figure out how to even approach it or manage the situation.
Bestow your infinite wisdom upon me. Should I even come out in the first place?
Love ya loads. 💋
submitted by BoronGorax to bisexual [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 14:41 Confused-95-aq- He’s made contact.

I’ve been out of contact with Narc since probably maybe ... the past week. Things ended officially 2 weeks ago after a series of counts on his part where I was being gaslighted and manipulated on multiple occasions. Some examples being: receiving hand massages from a co-worker and blowing it off as casual (they had sexual relations last year btw, hence why I was even more insecure), having a dating app and saying he’s just looking around and curious as to what it is, posting snaps of the co-worker and him playing board games at their school job everyday, verbally abusing me and degrading me, making threats to kill me if I try and tell this co-worker what he’s like as he’s told her he’s never had sex this whole year etc, but he was seeing me/spending time with me.
So many signs. 2 days ago he tried to make contact on my new Instagram, I resisted. He said “Did you change your number?” He knows I haven’t, he knows he’s blocked. He then tried to call on Instagram, I didn’t see and didn’t answer. He then left a message two mins later saying “Found a new guy I guess then”. I responded, and said “You know that you’re blocked and last time you didn’t care whether I was unwell or not”. He said “I just wanted to see if you’re ok that’s all”. We know this isn’t true. He started to give sporadic responses after. I know he doesn’t TRULY care, but it’s left me feeling a type of way, maybe even unimportant yet again. The clarity I had which was helping me get through, is slightly gone now. How can I feel better? I hate him.
submitted by Confused-95-aq- to NarcissisticAbuse [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 14:24 haiqeelll_ A few beefs against the last few seasons of Modern Family

Is it just me or the last few seasons as i have rewatched countless times always in bad taste. What happened to the show in the final seasons.
1) Cam and Mitch's relation just becomes downright toxic and just destructive to one another. It feels like they are married for the sake of Lily and they never learn their lessons whenever they makeup. The one time where they are at the worst is when Cam couldn't confront his sister Pam about her take in life and literally uses Mitch as a scapegoat.
2)Haley's character arc, throughout the seasons, she is seem to be young at heart and seems to be actually intelligent enough to survive life and basically represents the average people are at different stages of their life, School, College etc. But why did they destroy the relationship they worked so hard with Andy? After that, her arc degraded again and she begins random people. The most outrageous being the weatherman; how can she date someone who is in his 40's and be shocked when he says something along the lines of he's not dating for fun and is basically looking for something long term. Like, how is that even possible that you enter a relationship and not keep a posibility that it could go long term and that it may hold a possible future together? Do people just date for fun? And if they do, why not come clean and check to see if your partner was also looking for a casual relationship first before becoming serious?
3)why is Manny just downright.. i have no words to say for his arc. He was one of my favourite characters, smart, romantic and clever. And he became this weird man-child because his mother can't stop shielding him from almost everything and pampers him to the point he becomes so spoilt and entitled.
4)Luke: why is he suddenly one of those normal dudes who are just looking to score. He used to be so cute and curious.
5)Alex: being one of the smartest characters in the show has been reduced to another Haley. Like why????
submitted by haiqeelll_ to Modern_Family [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 04:15 jreeves89 The toxicity and misandry of online feminist groups and subs and how feminism has gone from being about equality to something so much more ugly (long, but a must read)

So, this is something I've wanted to get off my chest for a few days now as I feel it's really important and needs to be said. It's about the absolute toxic misandry I have witnessed on feminism subs on reddit and in other places. It is a message to all of those who are still under the illusion that much of feminism these days isn't sadly filled with this quite severe misandry and who still believe that it is instead about the equality that it purports to be.
Here goes.
Recently, I came across a thread on the TrueOffMyChest sub which was posted by a female user saying she had been banned from the Feminism sub for saying something the moderators didn't like. They refused to give her a reason but she then went on to talk about how being a member there means you must talk about men like they're rapists and must have an attitude of wanting men to genuinely hate themselves for who they are.
Well, this struck a chord because I had my own experience of posting there and I'll share it as my first example.
There was a thread there not so long ago which said that any men who say they have any worries of false accusations are rapists themselves. Here's something about me...I once got falsely accused. Not of anything particularly serious, but it was a false accusation in my workplace by a woman (actually a group of women), who decided they didn't like me and wanted to try and bring me down a peg. They reported me to my manager (also female), saying that I'd supposedly been making them feel uncomfortable, been showing them too much interest etc. Now 1) these women weren't of any interest to me 2) I was too busy, and too stressed, with doing my high pressure job to care about them (I didn't even know what some looked like, that's how little interest I paid) and 3) I later found out that they had done this before to other guys. Nevertheless, my manager 'had to take their accusation seriously' and it affected my employment because suddenly these people were talking about me negatively and I was on a temporary contract with very few solid rights. No evidence produced of didn't exist..but when my manager went off sick with stress my contract unfortunately also came to an end. People had made their mind up about me. It was extremely stressful, upsetting and left me unemployed for quite some time.
So, on this feminism thread I mentioned this and basically said "hang on...false accusations do sometimes happen (relaying my story), so I understand why some men say they have worries about it...we're not all rapists because we have those worries". Wow...the abuse I got was just unbelievable. I was downvoted maybe about 50 times for that post and any subsequent ones and one of the top voted replies (ironically), was a woman calling me (and I quote), 'an absolute piece of sh*t'. I asked them why is was apparently ok for me to give me actual verbal abuse merely for telling my story and correcting the quite extreme nature of the original post but they doubled down on the abuse and the pile on continued. As I tried to defend myself I continued to be downvoted and was then permanently banned by the moderators. I note that the most vicious posters were defended by moderators even when I reported their posts. I believe one particularly bad post was deleted but the rest were allowed to remain. The user who came out with the 'you're an absolute piece of sh*t" was certainly protected by the moderators and remains as a user.
So anyway, it really was a case of 'agree with our man hating or you are a 'piece of sh*t'.
Funnily enough, one member of that sub messaged me later to ask if I was ok. Her words; 'reddit pile ons are the worst'...'I hate that this sub is like that...there's too many man haters, I'm going off it'. That's coming from one of the rare decent feminists on there (I repeat, abusive comments to me were upvoted 20-30+ times so I am not exaggerating here).
So what's going on? Why is reddit allowing its feminism subs to become a place of hate, something which is being allowed by their moderators?
I'll move on to my second example. Personally I think it gets worse.
On the original thread I mentioned here by the woman who got banned from the Feminist sub, there were references to another feminist sub which was apparently very toxic. This one called FemaleDatingStrategy. So I thought I'd take a look. Oh. My. Goodness. This is man hating (extreme sexism for anyone who needs reminding) on another level.
Take the following thread as an example. You know how feminists like to portray the idea that men are bad, superficial, nasty etc and women are good (examples of this narrative exist all throughout that sub by the way)? Well just take a look at screenshots of these replies:
It is about some lady who proposed to her boyfriend with a watch and was seemingly happy enough to post her good news online. Well these 'kind' feminists took that post and not only tore into her for proposing, but decided to tear into the appearance of her now fiance who probably has no idea that he is being ripped to shreds all over the internet. I'll quote some of the lovely comments and who wrote them for good measure:
"Jesus Christ. The election dominated the news cycle so much I never got the memo about a dick shortage" (upvoted 145 times...yes, that's one hundred and forty five times).
"Girl..... THIS is what you lost your self respect for? " (105 upvotes).
"Guys this girl is obviously a queen if she can marry a man with a forehead big enough to land her helicopter on" (upvoted 70 times)
"Just like his hairline her self respect is none existent " by (upvoted 47 times)
"This guy's shoulders... he couldn't protect her from a 14 year old boy. 😒" by (upvoted 64 times)
"Sorry, but if he looks like this and hasn't proposed to you yet, then you aren't the one, sis." by (upvoted 7 times)
That was just a sample. Simply put, toxic, unbelievably nasty and blatant misandrist bullying. These people are literally online bullies and there's no other word for it. There are of course other 'eww' comments but those were just a selection.
You know, you can see just from this example how total the man hating is. This isn't just a small % of users...this is literally hundreds of people upvoting and joining in the bullying, just like I had experienced in my first example. I don't want to make this too long, but anyone is free to see other common examples in this sub.
Now, one thing that hit home with me in this particular thread were the bullying comments about the guys hair loss. This is because, when I was a bit younger I had severe OCD and body dysmorphia and in particular I had it about the fact that my hair had started thinning. Frankly, I was very unwell and it almost killed me. I used to spend a lot of time on 'support forums' for this and so often there were stories of men there who were either suicidal or even from family members of men who had taken their own lives over the issue. I remember distinctly, about ten years ago, a thread on a website called hairlosshelp (it no longer exists - I checked tonight because I wanted to find the thread). It was from the sister of a man who had just taken his own life over his hair loss and the bullying comments he had received from people, including women, about it. He had left a note asking her to thank them for their support while he was alive. You never forget reading things like that. Other similar examples exist on these forums right now.
Having seen those comments I thought, hey, I'll do a search of the FemaleDatingStrategy sub for the term 'bald' and see what else comes up.'s another where you can see the hate for yourself:
This time a thread about coronavirus supposedly killing men who are bald at a higher rate. It has been posted with the flair 'scrotes mad' (scrotes is the derogatory term they frequently use to refer to men there - they actually have a official term for their manhating which they use in flairs!).
Here are a couple of the replies:
One of the main replies (upvoted 45 times) says: " Nature’s trying to fix her mistakes by whipping out those bald genes for us. 😂👌🏻 ".
Now, just a reminder...these 45+ women are laughing about men who have literally died from coronavirus. Men who are also people's fathers, brothers, sons etc. Someone please tell me where else that level of hate goes casually unchallenged? Try telling me these feminist subs are not absolutely full of the very worst kind of toxic man haters.
The creator of the thread then replies to this comment with "I just had some ignorant scrote send me a dm telling me that all women are scum because I created this post about lessening the gene pool and finding it funny. I was like, block, block, I am sure, yes, block." So...not only is this delightful man-hating bully posting this stuff in the first place, she is boasting about how she blocked anyone who called her scum for it and is trying to spin it as 'he said all women are scum' for apparent support. Again, totally unchallenged by the toxic moderators.
Look, I could just go on and on giving really toxic, misandrist examples from both the Feminism and FemaleDatingStrategy subs but I'd be here all day. I was just made aware of the level of toxicity by others and thought I'd check it out myself and was still shocked by just how bad it is.
Now I want to ask 1) why is this level of sexism and hate allowed to go on? Surely reddit must clamp down on these two subs in particular, and specifically on the moderators who have both encouraged and allowed this culture of hate.
and 2) to those reading, do you still feel that there isn't a massive, massive issue within feminism of misandry and what is actually a push for female superiority over equality? Like, these women are quite literally laughing at men who have died who didn't live up to their standards. They're commenting and upvoting in their hundreds on these posts and similar. That's how sick it is. They are dishing out verbal abuse like 'you're a piece of sh*t' (as I experienced) for explaining a situation which had been very distressing (not to mention career impacting) for me, and they are openly bullying people's appearances. Not in small numbers. Overwhelmingly.
One of the things that has struck me about feminism in recent years is this quickness to downplay any men's issues. Take the stats of men taking their own lives at 3-4 times the rate of women. These feminists will say 'yeah well men just need to learn to talk more, this is why we need more feminism'. They will literally spin something so serious as the need for more feminism. They won't look at their own hate, they won't consider the very real issues that men face on a daily basis (the stats of which are all over men's right forums...about homelessness, custody, being left ostracized and left lonely (one of the biggest causes of male suicide) etc etc....nope...they will simply say things like 'this is why we need more feminism so those men don't have to suffer their toxic masculinity'. Quite frankly, they don't give a sh*t. And is that really surprising given everything I've detailed in this thread? I want men reading this to not fall into the trap of pandering to some of these feminists. Yes, there is a place for feminism, particularly in the third world where many women really do get a rough time of things, but a huge part of feminism has become 'equality and beyond', double standards and male hate galore.
I will just start to draw to a close here because this has been really long. But unfortunately it did need to be quite long.
One last point major point...there is a real drive by feminists even in mainstream media to downplay any issues faced by men. I've seen it at the BBC in particular for some time where they have on a regular basis created articles bashing men, ignoring the issues that men face every day, yet perpetuating the narrative of 'men bad, women good'.
I noticed it last year when they effectively tried their best to make it illegal for men to talk to or chat up women in public. Now sure, no doubt a number of men will have been absolute d*cks and not taken no for an answer or been offended by rejection, but these feminists discussing those BBC articles tried to shame ANY man who wanted to try to meet any woman in real life while out and about. I firmly believe that this falls under the category like above of 'don't you undeserving scrotes think you can try it with me, stay in your lane on tinder where i can have my convenient pick of the bunch and ignore you if i don't like you'. It's sad, but I know full well there is a lot of truth to it. It's at least partially about getting an upper hand. The BBC created more than a couple of articles about this topic and it's just another indicator of the level that feminism has gone to.
I will actually end very soon. A couple of days ago, I realised it was 'International Men's Day'. I thought, hey, I'll go on the BBC website and check what they've done for it. There was nothing from them besides a quick mention on a sport article. Instead I found on their main pages an outright sexist article titled "Have female CEO's coped better with Covid than men?". No evidence, nothing to back that question up, just casual discussion and sexism. Can you even imagine the up-raw if it had said 'have male CEO's coped better with covid than women"? They would never even consider running that story. What if you swapped the male for 'white' and 'female for 'black'. Again, hell no (obviously). It's just outright casual sexism and misandry (on international men's day of all days) by an increasingly feminist BBC. Even on international men's day, it was a day to bash men. To ignore all the issues they face in the world and to tell them how sh*t they are.
To any women who read my post today, I hope you absolutely condemn this type of 'feminism' and see just how toxic much of it has become. I hope you see why kindness is so important and why bullying of any sort is wrong. To the men reading, I hope you've picked up a few (perhaps uncomfortable) truths from this. Yes, sadly there is a growing movement which quite literally has hate for you unless you pander to every single thing they say, and if you don't look how they want you to look or act how they want you to act they will hate you too. So just don't pander to it, be strong, and realise that THEY are the problem and that their feminism is largely a discriminatory agenda. Know that many of these people operate by using shaming tactics to gain a sense of power, presumably to satisfy their own hate. Honestly, it is sad. These people have issues. I wouldn't mind betting that deep down some of them are ashamed of some of their words and actions but for whatever reason they have these anger issues and men are their target. I actually hope that they change, for their own benefit too.
TL;DR.... Really, it needs to be read. Take five minutes out of your day and read it. But basically what I'm saying (with examples), is that there is a real toxicity within online feminist groups and a huge amount of misandry. It has permeated into the media and into men's lives, sometimes with dire consequences. It cannot be allowed to continue and men (and the kinder women of society) need to actually come together against this too.
Note...i do expect more than a few downvotes for this thread, probably from members of these feminist groups, but I'm not at all worried about that. The important part was that I got this message out. This sort of hate in the form of misandry has to be called out. At the moment it's just being allowed a free pass under the flag of 'feminism'.
Funnily enough, just after writing this, a member of parliament had his appearance attacked related to things I have just mentioned. Many of those attacks came from 'feminists' on twitter. This was his response.
And that's why it is so important that this misandry and the double standards are called out.
submitted by jreeves89 to MensRights [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 04:13 thattennisgal I get extremely depressed after casual hookups.

I (21F) have had casual sex with several guys this past year. I noticed that the day after the hookup, later that day, or several hours later, I will get this feeling of loneliness and depression. It's a mix of wanting that guy to like me enough to be his girlfriend, feeling like I was slightly used by him, that I don't mean anything to him, that he'll ghost me and never see me again, and other terrible thoughts that essentially revolve around my relationship and where I'm at with that guy. This bothers me because I do not regret having sex with the person and in fact really enjoy doing it in the moment, but when we part ways, I ALWAYS get this depression.
I want to continue having fun. I am really enjoying myself and my body and feel like having sex is something I really enjoy, but it's always the day after or shortly thereafter a hookup that I will have depression for the entire next day that could last up to several days. I am so tired of this, and am not sure if any of you relate or have advice for me.
I feel like I expect an emotional connection with the person I have sex with. It's like I want someone to be there for me, to give me the reassurance that they won't leave me and that they care about me. After I told a recent older guy I hooked up with that I wanted to get to know him better and feel things out after just knowing him for a night, he took my hands and looked me in the eyes and told me that I just seemed confused, to which I replied that I've been hurt so many times in the past, and that I didn't want to be used anymore. It was all true, I agree with him, I'm confused but at the same time been hurt in the past, and I needed his emotional connection with me. It's like it's what I've always needed, and I'm unsure why I can't just do it myself and need it from a guy.
I think this question turned into a question of how I can better support myself so that I don't need to feel like I need a relationship or someone else in my life to fill that emotional void I have. Or maybe you still want to answer the original question, give me advice on how to disconnect from guys, and so forth. I just feel like this depression needs to stop, since I do enjoy casual sex, just not the days after. I'm sure this depression is probably due to an underlying cause of always feeling lonely and actually being alone in my life, so I feel like guys should owe me this emotional support when they really don't need to do that. I am just very hurt and lonely after that hookup with the older guy, and him just casually mentioning a woman he plans on taking with him to Mexico for New Years, and him just seeming like he is living his best life and I'm just someone that just happened to pop up for a small portion of it. This feeling is just the worst. I feel like crap because of this, when I should just be fine because it was just a hookup. I know this is a problem when I know it should just be sex, but then I expect a text, call, date arrangement, or further communication from the guy (as if we were communicating like we were dating) afterwards. It should just be about the sex and enjoying myself, but is never like that for me. It's always more than that when I feel like it shouldn't be. I am so tired of this depression.
Any advice or input would be so great. Thanks in advance.
submitted by thattennisgal to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 03:59 Vegedream Did I Mess Up by Offending Her?

Jump to the ”Main” heading below in bold if you don’t want to go through the context, although it’s important for making a judgement.
I’m 23 and met this girl 3 months ago (26 back then). It was a normal setting in which we met (Instagram) but I had been into the scene when I was younger (20) and I would “sugar date” these bottle servers or even some local RockstaPlayboy models where I was living at the time, and so I know how to spot who’s who and all that.. all the subtle hints and details.
At first it was just meant to be going out for fun with her friend. She even politely declined my attempt at an official “date” after a few meets with her friend. I guess the reason was the age and life stage difference, plus also I felt she views herself to be the more “dominant” one in the relation/friendship (again, age stuff). So anyway it didn’t bother me as I didn’t care much at that point, just liked her vibe and energy and obviously found her attractive, but we kept hanging out casually like that as “just friends”.
A moment later when I’d post certain things (luxury etc) i felt she changed her perspective and started introducing the SB vibes. I always felt she was into that when we first met because she was staying in a luxury apartment which would cost 2x her monthly salary.. but I didn’t care because I had just met her and there wasn’t anything between us. But from the moment I felt she sensed I had some “spending power”, she started introducing major SB vibes. At first she just thought I’m young and tight and so she would voluntarily choose ways to spend less while we go out (I mean I obviously know she’s using me to an extent for meals and outings, we didn’t meet at church as soulmates, but we were genuinely trying to get along too).
But she suddenly started to act with pity and complain about finances etc. , suddenly she told me she lives in a dorm for her work and invited me over there for dinner to see her “humble abode” (with her gay bff who cooked dinner for us), she said that “luxury apartment” was for her bff’s family who lets them use it. It just felt different from there, and a while later she went out with me alone on a “friendly date”, and again kept with the SB vibes. But I just felt weird because she expected/hinted at financial support without us being anything more than platonic, so I casually brushed those advances off.
Like I was fine with taking her out even with her friend(s), because I’m also there as part of the experience/outing/fun. But if it came to giving her money or paying for her stuff as “just friends” platonically it didn’t make sense.
We kept at it with her dialing down on the support stuff since she saw I wasn’t gonna give in to it. But eventually I started catching feelings for her and simping.. her birthday came and I went all out started spending like crazy, $15k that weekend alone. Things got messy/awkward on one instance that time and I admitted I had feelings for her that moment. We had some back and forth (civil) arguments in person, but then went at it with major subliminal posts on social media and things got so toxic (without any of us ever confronting the other directly though). But we magically made up and saw each other again, but before that, she started again with the finances complaints and pity emotions etc. , seeing that I liked her so much and would help her just to hang out.
This is where things became bad for once and all, she’d start wanting money just to hang out, but she’d say it in a way that she was feeling bad/depressed about some imaginary situation and needed cash to sort said “problem” and be able to see me. Before she would just genuinely want to hang out for fun and try to be closer friends in the process. But I felt the drama/argument/etc. made her not want to anymore and change, on top of me splurging and she sensed that I don’t care about money.. because I noticed her money requests somehow seemed to be the exact same amount of money she figured I was spending on club/gift/etc.
But I didn’t give in to it either, I just brushed it off and said I can’t right now maybe later I’ll see about it (in reality it’s just that I want to set boundaries and not make myself a complete doormat on top of what I’ve already done). She voluntarily came back and we made up again, met for dinner but things went south again with her expectations the next day. Yet we reconciled once again a few days later. At this point she just started asking me for small favors like food deliveries (for her and her friend). I helped her like 3-4x with it but then hinted that things are getting awkward between us and she politely understood and said she respects it. I told her how I felt things getting out of hand/strange and she politely responded nicely and explicitly told me that she agrees and that I’m also at fault because of drama/feelings/etc., and everything was ok then we planned to meet up soon over the next few days.
So things were cool for a few days until I posted more luxury lifestyle stuff, and then a day later I was gonna make plans and messaged her, but now she came up with another money complaint/issue.. I was fed up at this point and knew what was up as usual. There’s no magical situation or issue and she just wanted money because she saw I’m spending like crazy and doing this and that. But she said she somehow had “work” and would love take a leave and hang out but couldn’t because she needs to work to afford her “nails hair laser etc”. I knew there was no work but read between the lines and said I’ll just sort it out for u. She came at me with the “oh you always say that” while brushing it off as a joke with a smiley but then I just started being real and told her no what do u mean lol I do mean it but I’m just tired of hanging out with ur friends all the time, I wanna spend time with u, etc. and she said okay just send me the money first because I need to be sure before I take a leave and risk it otherwise I’m gonna have to work cuz I really need the money no joke. I felt so weird at this point because she’s introducing scammer vibes, while I’ve always been so nice to her and went all out (even despite her trying to set up a rob situation with her friend on the last day during the birthday weekend hotel “2 Bedroom” situation a few weeks prior, but nothing happened cuz I came back while they didn’t realize I was there, foiled plan but i 90% sensed something was about to happen. This was 30 mins after me admitting to having feelings for her and said I needed some time away to get over her..) . Anyway I felt since we got into this kind of talk and this whole thing it was already too late to go back to normal, but I started telling her what do u mean how do u want me to send u the money right now lol don’t worry u know I got u babe. She’s like no it’s cuz I need to do my hair nails etc I look like a disaster. I told her I’ll give u the money in person on Thursday before we hang out on Saturday. But I still couldn’t believe what I’m hearing. Before we called off that texting session I told her if we could have a phone call to discuss more about it but she lost her temper and started saying something like ugh this is what I don’t like always talking for nothing I’ll just go to work then and forget this. I told her no I just wanna know what you want and make sure we’re on the same page, she’s like what do u mean I told u if u take care of my shhhh we’ll hang out. I told her ok so let’s do Sunday? She’s like yea even the whole week we can do stuff me and u but I need the money before so I can take care of my shhh. Then I asked her if we should ”book a stay somewhere Sunday - Wednesday” and she said yea that’s cool with me. Then I asked how much her stuff cost and she said “if I go to work I would’ve made (insanely exaggerated figure) so that’s why I said it’s better I go cuz it’s too much”. I told her no don’t worry we’ll take care of it , talk soon bye etc. , everything was ok until then.
The next day... where all the craziness went down.. I decide to message her saying let’s hang out on just one night (and the subsequent day) and tried to spin it like I’m busy for the rest of the week and wanna be “understanding” to give her time off maybe she wanted to spend with her friends for the rest of the week. Because I didn’t want her to view it as a chore and I know she’s an outgoing type who always makes plans (in fact during the birthday weekend thing that’s what made things bad, I booked a stay for us and her bff in a 2BR suite where I let them have their own room, and we hung out 90% of the time but then they went to a party with their other girl friends later and I got offended cuz it was some guys who invited them to it and she felt pressured to go along cuz of the girls). I didn’t want this situation to repeat. Even though it was just us this time, but she always has her girls nights and stuff. I even told her I’ll come by to the lobby of her “new/yet another” luxury apartment (where she last told me to order food for her to) to sort her stuff out before we meet the next day for our actual meetup. So she replied back saying yea Saturday is fine with me but which hotel were u thinking of booking cuz it’s gonna be hard to get 2 different rooms in the same hotel. And the other thing she said is that she’s “not” staying at that apartment but made up some random low budget place To come to. Yet her bff posted and tagged her at the first (other) luxury apartment while we were talking.. I guess she just didn’t wanna give off the impression she’s got multiple apartments. I couldn’t believe what on earth was going on cuz I literally asked her about the hotel stay the previous day and she said she’s fine with it. But now she somehow decided to spin it around like 2 rooms as if we’re kids and she meant something else or didn’t understand.. so I just politely said something like oh yea true I guess we could just try another time then. So she replied with sarcasm/attitude saying no worries up to u, thanks for making me take a leave for nothing btw.. and from there I lost it (politely) and told her how I wanna hang out but I think we have different expectations I don’t want it to be confusing for either of us. So she got so aggressive/rude and started saying no ur right I’m done with this shhhh ur too complicated for me and we’re never seeing each other again. Felt so bad at that point seeing those kinds of colors come out from her which I never would’ve expected in a million years after all we’ve been through and good times etc.. but then I sensed she’s trying to make me chase and give in to her, and she tried saying how she’s feeling mad cuz she lost out on $$ I made her lose. But my friend literally pulled up her work schedule through his girlfriend who also works at her company and saw she was off anyway. I knew it and didn’t care though because I was viewing it as a sugar situation. And then I told her something like I wanna help u but like u know maybe I kinda liked u more than a friend and that’s my mistake. So from there she got more and more aggressive and blocked me (text). Tried chasing her on insta to calm her down but she got super heated (while still trying to make me give in to her BS) and then eventually blocked me. A while later i was texting her bff who’s more understanding/nice/moral (but a puppet for her) and she tried helping genuinely for a while until the girl took her phone and tried manipulating me with lies and gaslighting, until I eventually shed out everything in plain honesty and also politeness while trying to reach a mutual understanding but her narcissism couldn’t handle it and got defensive, swore at me in every single curse word you could think of and tried threatening and indirectly extorting me before swearing one final time and blocking me.
Felt like absolute crap because I honestly had feelings for this girl (still do) and don’t believe she’s a bad person and just blamed it on her circumstances and how girls usually are more emotional/volatile/unpredictable. Still thought of all the good times etc and tried getting back with her. But she cursed me out and said I “disrespected her” by “viewing her as a prostitute” ... apparently that was her main reason for being mad. I don’t get it.. I talked with several of my friends because the guilt tripping and gaslighting made me question myself several times, as well as my strong feelings towards her.. but they all told me how it was more her than me.. and how she’s the one who kept stressing about the money finances etc. and it just isn’t reasonable for “just friends” to do that, especially when it comes to large unrealistic favors/support, which I even told her a week prior about food delivery (let alone thousands) and she was understanding about..
Need a third party perspective please especially from a girl.. it’s been 2 weeks since this whole situation happened and it’s been keeping me up at night feeling so bad thinking about her and the good times, I even couldn’t get myself to sleep almost every day and cried about it. Like we did so much and we’d be hanging out every day at some point early on when we met. I got to see her soft side not like other girls I’ve been with who were just about the external shallow stuff but with her we’d go out to casual places sometimes (in the beginning) even no makeup or fancy dress and still liked her. It was mostly the money/splurging (and some minor aspects of my behavior) that ruined things eventually. She’s not even the type i normally go for (high end, designer, Barbie type) she’s more natural and lowkey looking yet wild and bubbly personality which I loved about her. I tried reaching out to her again a few times through other means but she was still mad and told me it’s over. Yet she tried to swindle me one more time a few days ago through her bff (the “good moral” one) while she asked me for a “small favor” (booking them a hotel room while the bff is in town for a few days, but strange because the girl used to tell me the “luxury apartment” she had was for the family of this bff who lets them use it.. lol I always knew that was a lie though), anyway she (bff) said how that would “win me over again” with the girl and how she’s “trying to get us back to normal”, and she literally started saying how the girl is mad at her for speaking to me because she knows I’m no good and won’t help but she wants me to prove her wrong and she’s “sure things would change with her later” if I do.. lmao. but I politely declined while saying maybe next time but now it’s unjustifiable, and even she (bff) showed her true colors by blocking me right after. But I don’t know if it’s the girl who made/influenced her to do it cuz that’s what always happened.
Appreciate any insight, mainly and specifically the title, on whether I messed up by “making her feel like a prostitute”..? In reality it didn’t make sense for me because I’m sure she has SDs, but an elder friend of mine (28) who’s familiar with this stuff told me that it’s possibly because she sees I’m younger and maybe naive and wants to get stuff from me without offering much, especially since she sensed I’ve become desperate over her with time. And the other thing is that maybe since we met in a normal setting and I know too much about her personal/private life she wanted to just cut me off now that it got this far..? The last one is just my perspective, which I feel makes a lot of sense . Appreciate any insight. To be honest I’d still really like to reconcile with her I can’t even explain how I feel..
submitted by Vegedream to sugarlifestyleforum [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 01:03 ThrowRA0522 I (20M) feel pressured to have as many sexual partners as possible

Throw away for personal reasons
Maybe it's just me but as a 20 year old guy I feel like by now I'm supposed to have had at least several bodies under my belt. The first and only girl I've had sex with so far was my ex who I was with for about 1.5-2 years. Since then I've had two other opportunities to have sex with someone else but for whatever reason I couldnt even get it up but I was able to play it off without embarassing myself too much. I had the same problem when I met my ex actually but luckily she was patient with me and understanding. I think that happens because I get anxious or something when I'm hooking up with someone new or because I might not feel 100% comfortable with that person yet but idk. Maybe if I focused more on trying to get to know the person more and build some trust before we hook up I wouldn't have that problem but idk for sure what it is. Maybe I'm just not built for casual sex as much as I think I am? It just sucks because I feel like most guys my age have more bodies than me and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. Especially since I've been in college for over two years now which is supposed to be the time when everybody is hooking up and having a lot of sex. I'm also a pretty big guy and most people actually think I'm a football player when they meet me because of my size which I guess means I look like I could get a lotta girls which makes me feel even worse cuz I don't get that many. I almost didn't want to post on here cuz I know compared to some guys I might be better off but I guess my struggle is just different than others.
It makes me feel inadequate and like I can't get pussy even though I've had some opportunities to but I just end up fumbling the bag somehow. I've heard that for us guys dating gets better as we age and as we become more confident in our masculinity and who we are as a man although I know that's not the case for everybody and getting to that point will definitely take some work. My 3 closest friends have all hooked up with more girls than me (especially if you included oral sex) except one of them who actually just lost his virginity a few weeks ago. I just feel like by now I should have a lot more sexual experiences than I have but I don't feel like I do which makes me feel insecure about that. Am I the only one or can other guys relate? Any tips or advice to stop feeling this way?
submitted by ThrowRA0522 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 01:02 LonesomeDyke How to find a femme in the wild? (20F)

I am 20 year old University student. I am butch and I adore femme women. I really dislike dating apps. I only ever have hookups and casual dates that lead no where! I'm tired of the casual stuff, I want a relationship :(
At university, I've met a lot of pretty girls around campus and in my classes. I have always had the confidence to tell a woman I like her when I think we have chemistry EVEN if I do not know her sexuality. I simply ask them out on date and make sure she knows it's a date date (I learned that I had to emphasize the "" because straight women are very naive xD). 95% of the time I get a "sorry, I'm straight" and the other 5% is " ... I've never been with a WoMaN before can you show me . . ."
So, my therapist was like "why don't you try meetup?" So, I did, I went online and searched on meetup lesbian groups near me. I was surprised there was a group with lots of members. So I went to an event-- it was a socially distanced picnic.
All the women there were more than twice my age!!! I tried to relate to them, but I just felt too uncomfortable. So, I never went to meetup again. I realized meetup is only popular with the older generations.
I have been a sad little lonesome butch for too long in a big world of straight people.
I don't think there are any other options for me to try. I get bummed out because I never had a girlfriend before! Just a lot of shallow relationships that are mostly based on sex.
I suppose I could just continue my journey and just let love come to me. I just feel really lonely.
What's a butch gotta do to find love?
submitted by LonesomeDyke to butchlesbians [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 00:51 Khione541 Hooked up with my work crush... now what?

So a week ago I did something I haven't done in well over 15 years - I hooked up with a coworker. Yes, I know it's a terrible idea, etc., but my curiosity got the better of me, and it was admittedly somewhat alcohol-fueled.
Coworker (36m) and I (39f) have worked at the same place (building), but never in the same department, for over 6 years. It's a male-dominated field. I've always secretly had a thing for him, but he was initially in a serious relationship, but they broke up over two years ago (I think it was a pretty bad breakup) and he has been single since. I've been single off and on over the 6 years I've worked there, single for a solid 2 years as well.
Coworker has been pretty flirtatious with me for the past couple years, sometimes so brazenly so I laugh at his audacity. About a month ago he brought up coming out to the bar he frequents after work, and I demurred having already made plans that evening (with a guy I'd been casually seeing).
By last weekend, the guy I'd been casually seeing for two months had rejected me two weeks prior, and another dating prospect was slow fading, and with my downed spirits and our state facing another lockdown in two days, I thought "Eff it. Ima go have a drink one last time at a bar and see what this guy is really about."
Long story short the evening ended with me at his place (under the guise of checking out his record collection, ha), and wound up having great sex all night. So much so he called in the next day because we hardly slept. (Felt kinda bad about that). Admittedly, I'd been quite buzzed the night before and had initially resisted staying over, but my stupid libido (and obviously unhealthy need for validation) got the best of me.
I've seen him around work this week and we're back to the usual flirty banter, like nothing has changed. He even made a ridiculous loud comment about his "moves" when explaining how he does something a certain way (project-related) to my coworkers.
We had exchanged numbers at the bar so he could text me his address when we were leaving. I know that he is not big into his phone, social media, etc. But neither one of us has texted each other (obviously we never texted before this). I wouldn't mind another romp in the hay with him... but I know it's a bad idea. I shouldn't text him, right? What do I do now, just pretend it didn't happen and sulk the next month while our state is in lockdown and my dating prospects have dried up? Or should I text to feel out if he's down for round two? Yes, I sometimes have a hard time keeping my feelings out of it (I know myself), but I've always acted cool and somewhat dismissive of him at work (which is what contributed to the hot-ness of the hookup, I think), and can certainly continue to do so no matter what happens. We both seem like we're cool and adult enough to keep it professional at work, even if whatever this is ends at whatever point. What do you think?
submitted by Khione541 to datingoverthirty [link] [comments]

2020.11.23 00:08 notaposanymore Today I made the decision to not be a manipulative POS and I’m so proud of how far I’ve come with therapy, but I know I have more to go

So for obvious reasons telling my IRL friends “hey I’m slightly less of a manipulative she devil than I was before” is really hard so I made a throwaway to post this.
In my last long term relationship I developed some shitty manipulative habits. My mom was a POS and I watched her marriages fail and thought that’s how a relationship worked so I developed the habit of always looking for how to twist someone’s words into something they needed to apologize for so that then I could throw it in their face later as a get of of jail free for my own mistakes.
I’ve been in therapy for while now trying to unlearn the examples she gave me. I’ve recently started casually chatting with a nice man online. We were talking about our experiences with online dating during the pandemic and he mentioned his relative inexperience made things different for him. My first instinct was to twist this into accusing him of slut shaming me and pick a huge fight in which I accused him of being the manipulative one for trying to tear me down and make me feel like I was somehow impure. Instead I just said that he was right and we were coming at this from different perspectives.
I’ve been trying to be a better person for a while and this makes me feel like I’m finally becoming more than the sum of my childhood trauma. I’m starting to make healthier choices and the next thing I really wanna tackle is cleaning my house. I’ve been focusing a lot of my energy on making healthier relationships, platonic and otherwise, and used that as an excuse to let my home become a bit of a neckbeard nest.
Does anyone have any advice for how to take this positive momentum and use it to start cleaning the mountain of paper plates and dirty laundry and how to make a cleaning routine stick in the future?
submitted by notaposanymore to DecidingToBeBetter [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 20:33 WestTide11 30[M4F] DMV (DC Area) - Looking For Some PG-13 Human Contact

Hey all,
Thanks for taking the time to click on this post. I have been single for a while now, and while I'm not ready to jump back into dating just yet, I do miss physical closeness, and fun. I'm sure in the pandemic world, some of you can relate. I would like to take it slow sort of PG13 at the beginning maybe, open to moving on to more, but it isn't required.
At the end of the day, I'm really looking for someone who wants to enjoy something really casual and with no pressure on either person. I'm pretty new to casual stuff being more a LTR type of person, so sort of hoping to dip my toe in a little with something like this. So if you're new to it as well, no worries, we can figure it all out together.
If something here is appealing to you, please feel free to send me a PM, and we can discuss further and see if it is a good match. I look forward to hearing from you!
submitted by WestTide11 to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 20:33 WestTide11 30[M4F] DMV (DC Area) - Looking For Some PG-13 Human Contact

Hey all,
Thanks for taking the time to click on this post. I have been single for a while now, and while I'm not ready to jump back into dating just yet, I do miss physical closeness, and fun. I'm sure in the pandemic world, some of you can relate. I would like to take it slow sort of PG13 at the beginning maybe, open to moving on to more, but it isn't required.
At the end of the day, I'm really looking for someone who wants to enjoy something really casual and with no pressure on either person. I'm pretty new to casual stuff being more a LTR type of person, so sort of hoping to dip my toe in a little with something like this. So if you're new to it as well, no worries, we can figure it all out together.
If something here is appealing to you, please feel free to send me a PM, and we can discuss further and see if it is a good match. I look forward to hearing from you!
submitted by WestTide11 to r4r [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 19:08 __Pika_Pi__ 19 [F4M] USA/Anywhere, Maybe the third time’s a charm

Hi there! My name is Cameron, but most of my friends call me Camy. I live along the east coast in Georgia. I have had some success with this sub, made some friends and even had a boyfriend, however things just didn’t work out like I hoped they would. I’m feeling optimistic that maybe today is my day!
I don’t have a lot of dating experience, few LDRs here and there, been on a date in my town, but just haven’t found the right person that clicks with me. My friends have been encouraging me to use dating apps like tinder, but that’s more geared toward hookup culture imo and that’s not what I’m looking for. I want a monogamous relationship where we really care about each other and have fun spending time with each other as much as possible. I’m not looking to rush into anything, just casual progression from friends to romance.
List of some of my interests and physical appearance
• I’m about 5’6 or 7 with short dirty blonde hair, brown eyes and a chunky figure. I’m working on being healthier tho.
• I love animals! I have 1 dog, 2 guinea pigs and 1 bunny! I want to have lots of pets in the future!
• Movies, documentaries etc. are a big hobby for me. Me and my dad have a massive collection and I love to show it off! I spend a lot of my free time binging shows or documentaries especially true crime related stuff.
• Not a “real gamer,” but I dabble a bit and I’m willing to try new things. I play a lot of animal crossing new horizons, Pokémon, Sims and Among Us.
• I am pretty tomboyish in the way that I speak, lots of cussing and very opinionated, but I dress quite feminine. I really enjoy fashion and makeup.
• Humor and dark humor is a big one. I love to joke around about weird and dumb shit, so I would love a guy that could keep a funny and witty conversation.
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for, I’m pretty open minded as long as I like your personality. Although age does matter, I would say my range is probably 18 - 23 or 24. Reddit is kinda awkward so it would be great to move onto another platform like discord!
Those are the big things that I can think of off the top of my head, so I hope that catches your interest! Sorry for the long post and that’s really awesome if you read the whole thing! Thank you so so much and I hope you have an amazing day!! 💕
submitted by __Pika_Pi__ to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 18:55 dateadvisethrowaway Need advise for this kinda weird date

I (19 M) need advise on dating an older (I think 31-32 F?) woman. (Idk her actual age but she seemed close to that)
So about 11 months ago I was going back home on a flight where I met this woman who was sitting beside me on the flight. We imitated a conversation and we talked a bit, just like to pass away the time until our destination arrived. Like she seemed pretty cool and friendly and we got along well. So we just exchanged numbers at the luggage picking up counter and went our way.
The next day she texts me and during the texts things turned a little flirty-ish, like she was tying to compliment me on my profile pic so I did on hers too then she was trying to flirt and I just went with the flow I guess. But...then stupid me says something idiotic(related to her age...yeah) and she took offense and I profusely apologized cause I really did not mean it like that. But then we just stopped texting after that.
Now just yesterday 11 months later she texts me again saying that I owe her a date and I'm like internally saying "What?" actually I didn't even remember her at first glance but then it hit me later. So I like just casually asked her that why did she text me after 11 months what caused the sudden interest. She claimed her mom was in the hospital and passed away in April so she was just coping with it, so she didn't feel like texting me. But today she thought about me and felt like texting me.
I'm like okay, so I just wanted to get to know her more and well here's the weird thing, she suddenly started to become very aggressively flirty with me and suggestive and I don't think I said anything or gave any signals that I was okay with that so it felt a bit creepy-ish idk
But like...stupid horny me makes the idiotic decision to go along with it ended up with us sexting.
I just don't know if all I want is just a hookup idk, it just feels wrong to be so forward on the first date. I know I was being stupid by sexting with her but I just feel like shes only in this for hooking up.
But I don't have a LOT of experience dating, like very little, so I don't know what is going on in her mind.
What does she want? Does she want to just hookup? But I think she's pretty chill and I wouldn't mind a serious relationship. But I want to know her intentions. I wouldn't want to just hookup cause I would like something more serious but does it seem that she wants something more serious from our experiences so far?
submitted by dateadvisethrowaway to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 18:06 RippiHarambe 21 [M4F] Europe - Someone for the long, long run

Hey! I always find myself coming back here because I can't find anyone who is serious about wanting something long term, but I hope my luck will change eventually.
I'm here looking for someone to develop a strong friendship with, naturally build up to a relationship (we don't need to rush things, especially not now) and eventually meet in person. Not looking for anything casual. If you're just bored because of the pandemic and want someone to talk to, you can still message me, but tell that from the start.
Life is so much better when you have that special person by your side. The one you will go to sleep thinking about and is on your mind when you wake up. Someone to text everyday (not 24/7 of course), to (video)call from time to time, to play games and watch movies or shows with. Someone you can take on dates (virtual at first) and have a great time together. I would love to have that :)
The main quality I look for a in a person is honesty, that's what I value the most. And I believe communication is key - every relationship has its ups and downs, but talking about the problems right away and trying to work on them together makes things even stronger.
About me:
I prefer if you are around my age (18-23+-) and from Europe (I don't mind talking to people from NA though), to make things easier.
I hope this sparked something in you. Please tell me something about yourself, or ask me a question. I'll be waiting :)
submitted by RippiHarambe to euro4euro [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 18:05 RippiHarambe 21 [M4F] Europe - Someone for the long, long run

Hey! I always find myself coming back here because I can't find anyone who is serious about wanting something long term, but I hope my luck will change eventually.
I'm here looking for someone to develop a strong friendship with, naturally build up to a relationship (we don't need to rush things, especially not now) and eventually meet in person. Not looking for anything casual. If you're just bored because of the pandemic and want someone to talk to, you can still message me, but tell that from the start.
Life is so much better when you have that special person by your side. The one you will go to sleep thinking about and is on your mind when you wake up. Someone to text everyday (not 24/7 of course), to (video)call from time to time, to play games and watch movies or shows with. Someone you can take on dates (virtual at first) and have a great time together. I would love to have that :)
The main quality I look for a in a person is honesty, that's what I value the most. And I believe communication is key - every relationship has its ups and downs, but talking about the problems right away and trying to work on them together makes things even stronger.
About me:
I prefer if you are around my age (18-23+-) and from Europe (I don't mind talking to people from NA though), to make things easier.
submitted by RippiHarambe to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 15:43 ThrowRaidktbhman My best friend (16F) and I (16M) recently got into a relationship but we are unsure how to approach the romantic aspect of a relationship as we are already really familiar with our current situation and never went through a "honeymoon" phase

First, I think I'll give context to our friendship, which has definitely been the most dominant part of our relationship thus far. I had a crush on her for four years with a fragmented total of one month in which I didn't like her. We started off as pretty casual friends in seventh grade, actually, but then for some reason we became best friends in high school, and have been for the past 2 1/2 years. We were super close as best friends. When I say that I literally mean I got regular updates on her menstrual cycle and she helped me pick out a porn video to watch once as a joke (fun fact: actually did, pls don't tell her).
So, in January of 2019, I confessed to her about my crush. There was no other point to this than to just tell her the truth, and I really wasn't looking to date her. She took it well and honestly was surprisingly really casual about it and we went back to talking like normal pretty much immediately afterward (with the exception of a few bad jokes about this on her part). I told her that I'd gotten over it, but my feelings persisted, and she really never suspected that I still liked her.
So I asked her out on November 6th. She ended up saying yes, but her response was really conflicted. She had a surprisingly really realistic reaction in which she said that if we were to go on a date, it should be more of a trial period than a confirmation for an actual relationship. Also, she isn't a very confident person, so even though there were some tipoffs, she never really thought much about them and thus never suspected anything. Also, asking her out didn't come out of nowhere. She tells me a lot of things honestly and generally pretty openly. So, at one point she made some offhand comment about her feelings towards me, and although I don't think she was deliberately trying to lead me on or send a message, the timing of it really influenced my decision to ask her out. I wasn't actually hurt and understood that this news probably came as a complete shocker to her, considering the amount of times I had reassured her about my non-feelings throughout the year. So the next day we went on a date. We went to a little park and walked around for a while. We looked up questions to ask on a date, but it was really more of a joke to us than something we took seriously. Since then we planned to go out on another date, but something came up (note: I am a really busy person). So for the next few weeks after the initial ask-out, we began talking a lot more, calling each other frequently and our interactions in school didn't change much besides a few subtle jokes. After these few weeks passed, yesterday, while we were hanging out with friends, I brought up her "final decision" as a joke while texting as they didn't know about anything that had happened between us in the past few weeks. She said that she had finally decided on yes to us making our relationship more official (boyfriend/girlfriend). However, in hindsight, after talking about it, we realized that it was odd how casual this was. This is kind of a large symptom of the problem that we are currently facing. So, in our self-aware glory, we decided to "redo" the confirmation/ask-out. Later that day, we went to the beach (we live in a country with near zero cases, aka not the US, and we took precautions with mask wearing and distancing from other groups) with the aforementioned friends and redid the whole thing. Once again, even despite our promises to be relatively more serious and the fact that it happened on a literal beach sunset, it fell flat in that it wasn't actually much better than the text confirmation and the little speech I gave was clearly half-joking. Also, one more thing to note is that our relationship is...unique, I guess in that we literally still told each other everything during the time we were looking into pursuing a more romantic relationship. For example, we collaboratively wrote the Reddit post you are reading right now. Like. No joke. Hey guys. Basically any issues we had with each other or our relationship that you would normally outsource to a best friend type figure we told each other.
So, we've still talked a lot after that whole thing and we have both confirmed our intentions to try for a serious relationship. However, we don't know what to do at this point in terms of our interactions as a couple. We act pretty similarly to how we did during our time as best friends/the trial period, with the exception of a few more verbal (late night; is that a problem...that we only truly express romantic sentiments while we're almost completely zonked?) romantic interactions.
This post is really long, but I guess my main question is: how does the step towards a more "romantic" relationship work? We feel like we've skipped steps a normal couple would take and moved straight into the "comfortable and established" stage of a relationship, a lot like that of a married couple.
P.S. for now we've decided to keep our relationship completely private from even our friends which is why we're posting it on Reddit :)
submitted by ThrowRaidktbhman to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 10:34 cheeseburgerwithchee There's something seriously wrong with my boyfriend

When I was younger, my boyfriend would tell me weird things that would happen to him, back then, I genuinely thought he was lying or just messing around. Mind you, he waa kind of weird. But his stories were kind of scary, or just say the weirdest shit. One instance, we were talking about something, and he would be like "oh yeah, my demon knows what you're talking about." "I have a demon in me. Every time Im near lights and stuff, they go out".
This one time, it might have just been the light just messing up, but we were in a building, next to a door that had a window in it, it just looked like one of those storage rooms, it had random shit in it, like boxes, foldable chairs, etc. When I personally walked by it, there was no one in it, and the lights were off. But when my boyfriend walked by it, the lights flicked on and off. And all he whispered was "good". I didn't say anything because it was creepy, and I don't think he knows I know to this day. It was just such a weird thing to happen.
The next incident that happened included me in it, and his "friend." This was back when we were younger, maybe 15, 16. We couldn't go to each other's houses when we first started dating, so we'd meet up and hang out. It was usually in my town. We lived in different little towns, but probably 10 to 15 minutes away, if that makes any sense. So he would walk to where I lived and we would hang out.
We liked to sleep together in this abandoned house that was a few streets down from where I lived, it was pretty basic, people went there to smoke, or homeless people would go there to sleep, get out of the cold. We got to the abandoned house, and we were talking, listening to music, smoking, you know doing normal shit. Now I'm personally a sketchy person at places I don't normally go to, and I do in fact believe in the paranormal. But I do have to say, that what happens in this story is 1.) Has never happened to me before. 2.) I've never seen my mind make up something so detailed out of nothing.
So to make a lay out of the abandoned house for you; the front door was locked so we weren't able to go in through there. There was a back door that would lead into a washer and dryer room right when you get in, and then the kitchen. Then a living room, a hallway where a master bedroom was, then at the back of the hallway was a bathroom. Me and my boyfriend personally never even attempted to sleep in the bedroom, I'm not quite sure why, just something we never did. So we would sleep in the living room.
We were sitting up against a wall in the living room, and we were talking about literally nothing scary or anything, I don't remember what it was exactly, but I do know it wasn't scary. (I'm saying this so you guys will understand that there was no reason for my mind to just casually make this up.) I looked over at him and his face turned into this demonic face and to this day I can describe in great detail how he looked.
His face turned into this dark grayish black, with dark black empty eye sockets, high cheek bones, and his mouth was stretched so far down to his chest. I instantly push him away and close my eyes. He was asking me what's wrong, are you okay and stuff. And I kept pushing him away. So he grabbed me to try to comfort me, and he said "what happened? Why did you do that?" I slowly opened my eyes and when I realized that he was back to normal I started explaining to him what I saw instead of him.
He sat quietly listening to me, and them after I was done he just laughed and said "no you didn't. You're probably just seeing things." I know what I saw, my mind to this day hasn't made something up in someone's face with such great detail, or something like that at all for a matter of fact. Instead of arguing with him, I decided to just drop it and pretend it never happened. During that night, I saw a white figure of a tall lady in the hallway just standing there. I told my boyfriend and he said he didn't see anything and that mind is just trying to fill in what I can't see. Which don't get me wrong, could be plausible, but I don't know, if I saw that on his face, I think I could see someone standing in the hallway.
A few years later, I was in bed with him, was trying to sleep because I have really bad insomnia, and I looked at him. I swear I saw that exact same demonic face. Even at his house, there's been unexplainable things happening that could relate to his demon, or maybe not. But there's something seriously wrong him and this house.
submitted by cheeseburgerwithchee to nosleep [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 09:55 ApologeticallyEmo Love jihad

Let's face it, most of us cry about love jihad but we do nothing to fight it. An average hindu should be doing the following things:
1. Educate the women in your family. It's difficult to be openly anti-interfaith with your friends. Your target audience should be your own family. Don't limit yourself to your sisters and daughters. If you're close with your relatives maybe educate them too. Women are naive, it's your duty to atleast educate the ones in your own family.
2. Groom yourself. Muslim men are fetishized to a great degree. There's also a thrill that comes along when women rebel and enter a societally forbidden relationship. Only way to stop this is by making your own self desirable. Get off reddit, start working out, eat healthy, dress up like a normal human, don't be afraid to talk to women, take care of your hygiene etc. etc. (Refer grooming guides for more)
3. Socialise. This is an extension of the second point. Be approachable and charming. Talk to people and be openly proud about your hindu identity. This will break the stereotype that orthodox hindus are boring and boomer-ish.
4. No sex before marriage people: find a viraat hindu chick, reproduce and raise viraat hindu kids. pro-casual sex people: fuck around with Mullis as much as you can (goes without saying but do it consensually). Muslims did much worse with our women. Tit for tat.
5. If you're a girl be just be frank with your girlfriends. Pretty sure there's atleast one muslim guy that your friend circle just drools over. When they talk about him just be honest with them about how you feel about dating muslims. Sugarcoat stuff if someone in your friend circle is already dating a muslim but never stay silent because you're afraid of offending them. If anything you're doing them a favour.
These things are a bare minimum. I request all my bhratas and bhaginis to add more stuff in the comments.
submitted by ApologeticallyEmo to Chodi [link] [comments]

2020.11.22 07:55 Str8Outta2750 A glimmer of hope after 19 years? The Disappearance of Passy Reyes (Sydney, New South Wales, Australia – 18 July 2001)

I’ll preface this by saying this post is a little bit different to the usual Unresolved Disappearance cases on this subreddit – but also for me too. It’s a Missing Persons case which I wasn’t actually aware of until earlier this year, when I stumbled upon an old newspaper whilst doing a cleanout of my home, during the COVID-19 lockdown.
The case I present, is the disappearance of Passy Reyes – an 18 year old girl, whom vanished from her home, on the Northern Beaches of Sydney, in the early hours of Wednesday,18 July 2001. She had been studying for her final year of high school, for the Higher School Certificate (HSC)). Her disappearance did attract media attention within Sydney at the time, and New South Wales Police did issue an appeal to the public.
During my initial research of Passy’s case online, there was very limited information – I suspect much of the data originally published about her case, has vanished off the face of the World Wide Web in the intervening years since 2001.
However, also during my initial research, I found a discrepancy on the New South Wales Police Missing Persons Enquiry System – which for me, raised questions about Passy and the status of her case; a “mystery within a mystery” if you will. I will go into more detail about this, further on in my post.
I had began to draft this post, when the NSW Police actually made the move very recently, during August 2020, to highlight Passy’s case in the first episode of a new podcast series, NSW Police State Crime Command – Investigations (Sources: Apple Podcasts, Spotify); and which has been publicised across Australian media. This podcast has also covered details of Passy’s case, perhaps previously not published – making this quite a rabbit-hole of a case.
Passy still remains missing, sadly after 19 years, although this new podcast has apparently already provided some new leads from the public, according to the NSW Police – which is the aim of this podcast series (Source: Today – Nine Network).
I will cover Passy’s case – firstly with the Background and Case Outline, secondly with Investigative Theories, thirdly with The Vanishing Profile, before closing out with My Opinions and Theories.
Background and Case Outline
Passy Reyes (surname pronounced as “Ray-ez”) was born on 9 June 1983, in Guadalajara, Mexico – under a different name at birth. Passy emigrated to Sydney, Australia at 3 months old, with her mother Margaret and her father – a lawyer from an influential and powerful Mexican family; and the son of the then leader of the Mexican political opposition (presumably the late Pablo Emilio Madero, although not actually confirmed on the podcast or in recently published articles).
Her parents’ marriage had been marred by domestic violence. Their move to Australia had been both a desire of Passy’s father; and an attempt to repair their marriage and start of a new life. However, despite the birth her younger brother (formerly known as Christopher Reyes, or Chris, now known as Tomas Alarcon) – her father grew frustrated with being unable to gain employment in their new country and his violent tendencies had resurged.
Eventually, her father left and returned to Mexico – however soon after, during 1985, he returned to Sydney to abduct both Passy and Tomas, trafficking them under false Passports – allegedly based on stolen identities - which he had arranged and obtained in Mexico; and flying back with the children to Mexico City via Los Angeles.
Margaret spent the next four years trying to regain the custody of Passy and Tomas, via applications to the Family Court of Australia, but also travelling to Mexico to find them. Margaret faced threats to her life and experienced further physical violence, during her pursuit to recover her children. Eventually Margaret regained the custody of her children in 1989, following the death of her estranged husband and father of her children, in a motorcycle accident. Margaret returned to Australia with her children, settling in Mona Vale, a suburb on the Northern Beaches of Sydney. Still in fear of her late husband’s family, Margaret changed the identities of herself and her children, adopting the surname Reyes.
Being near the beach, Passy and her brother were involved in water based activities and sport, including the Nippers with their local Surf Life Saving Club; and also in junior competitive swimming (Source: Avalon Bilgola Amateur Swimming Club Inc – note the misspelling of Passy’s name on the club’s honour role, in two instances). Passy has been described as being a strong swimmer.
Passy was also heavily immersed into art – with Visual Arts being her pet subject during her secondary education at Pittwater High School. She was also heavily influenced by her own Mexican background and culture in her artwork. Although Passy did have a small number of friends, she has been described by both her family and her school peers as being introverted and socially withdrawn; and someone who preferred her own space. Passy was also described as very focused and intense on her school studies; and would isolate herself to do so.
However, during her final year of high school (Year 12) while studying her Higher School Certificate (HSC)), Passy was suffering an enormous amount of anxiety and stress. Passy was concerned about her own academic success, putting high standards upon herself to achieve; and was afraid of failing (Sources: The Sydney Morning Herald - via The Internet - Archive Wayback Machine, SBS Insight – via The Australian Missing Persons Register). Adding to her worries, Passy had been struggling on her final Visual Arts assignment; and was denied an extension on her assignment by her high school (Source: The Sunday Telegraph – via Imgur).
Tied into these early news articles on Passy, is scrutiny and criticism of the HSC. It should be noted in 2001, within the State of New South Wales, the NSW Board of Studies had reformed and revamped the syllabus and format of the HSC – which had been the biggest revision to the Certificate (up to that point) since it was first introduced in 1967. The Class of 2001 were the first to undertake the ‘new’ HSC – and its implementation was criticised by many at the time.
Margaret also had concerns for Passy’s physical health, as she appeared to lose weight and looked pale; and suspected she might have been anaemic. At her mother’s insistence, Passy attended a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, 17 July 2001. Following the appointment, according to her mother Margaret, Passy’s mood was dark and she had been crying, on the bus trip home. However, on her doctor’s advice, Passy relaxed that evening and spent it watching TV, viewing the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond (then aired in Australia on Network Ten), before retiring to bed at 9.00 pm. According to her brother Tomas, she appeared to be in a much happier mood and laughing. However, Margaret felt something was up with Passy, as her demeanour seemed out of character for her; and indicated this as such to her brother.
In the earlier hours of the following morning (Wednesday, 18 July 2001) at 4.00 am, Margaret Reyes was awoken by the sound of running water – to find her daughter was having a shower. This was really early for Passy; and too early for both Passy and Margaret’s schedule that day. Passy was on school holidays during that week (Source: NSW Dept of Education and Training, via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine); and was to have accompanied her mother that morning, on work experience, to her mother’s workplace in the Sydney CBD. However, according to Margaret, they weren’t due to leave home until 7.00 am.
Margaret questioned her daughter, whilst she was still in the shower, as to why she was up so early – but Passy didn’t reply. Margaret then saw the door on Passy’s bedroom open; and saw her formal dress (which Passy was to have worn at the end of that year, at her Year 12 School Formal) – a yellow, green and blue floral pattern silk dress with a split up the side, laid out on her bed. Margaret then told Passy (who was still in the shower) to “…clean up [her] mess”, with Passy responding “I like my mess”. Margaret then returned to bed – eventually she heard the shower turn off; and initially assumed that Passy had returned to her bedroom. A few minutes later, Margaret then heard the main door of their home slam shut. Alarmed by this, Margaret got up and called out for Passy – however, it was clear that Passy was gone and had left the house.
Hysterical, Margaret then woke up Tomas, screaming “Passy’s gone!” and asking him to go and find her. Tomas went outside, initially conducting a search of their street, to no avail. Both Margaret and Tomas then got into their car to conduct a search of their local area, including the nearby beach and eventually the Mona Vale headland – with Tomas fearing that Passy might be suicidal. Again, their search was to no avail – with Margaret and Tomas returning to their car and then contacted the Police.
Passy’s Missing Persons Report was officially filed at the nearby Dee Why Police Station, coming under what was the Northern Beaches Local Area Command (LAC) within the NSW Police Force (now amalgamated into the Northern Beaches Police Area Command (PAC)). The Northern Beaches LAC took charge of Passy’s case; and wasted no time in issuing a public appeal on Passy, along with an extensive search – including a comprehensive aerial and costal/water search by both PolAir and the Broken Bay Water Police; and an inland search of the local area.
It has been said the Northern Beaches LAC’s original investigation of Passy’s case was “exhaustive” and had accumulated a “whole brief of evidence” in her case file. The Police also targeted their public appeal for Passy, in local print media within the Northern Beaches – including the local Manly Daily newspaper. Margaret Reyes also took it upon herself to distribute photos of Passy within the local area. As a result of these actions, Police received a number of leads – including alleged sightings by witnesses.
The first lead, was an alleged sighting reported by a local bus driver, identified as Brian Raymond Sampson. Mr Sampson came forward after seeing a photo of Passy that Margaret Reyes has put up at the local bus depot. Mr Sampson made a statement, that he saw a female fitting Passy’s description, at 4.45 am on the morning of her disappearance, on Barrenjoey Road – near the intersection of Bassett Street – at Mona Vale (about 500 meters from Passy’s home). He described her as wearing a “lime green coloured formal-looking dress” (which he thought was unusual for both that area and time of day), walking along lower part of the gutter (i.e. on the road), with her back turned to him. Mr Sampson did slow down, thinking she might want to board the bus – but she didn’t get on; and continued driving on.
Another lead was forthcoming from local Mona Vale resident, John Kreegan. Mr Kreegan lived on a property, which backed directly onto Basin Beach; and which had direct access to the beach, via a set of stairs. On the morning of Passy’s disappearance, at about 7.00 am, Mr Kreegan walked down his back stairs to the beach, for his morning swim – he discovered sitting at the second last stair, some neatly folded pile of clothing. It wasn’t unusual for swimmers and surfers to leave their clothes on Mr Kreegan’s stairs, as it was above the beach’s tideline. However, the clothes were still there, after Mr Kreegan returned from his swim later that morning.
Two days later, at 9.00 am, Mr Kreegan discovered the same pile of clothes were still on his stairs, undisturbed. He decided to pick up the items and took them into his home, in the hope of finding their owner. The items included a black cotton jacket and a green, blue and yellow silk formal dress – and contained within their pockets, a chain and a silver locket containing a watch. Later that day, after seeing an article on Passy in the local Manly Daily newspaper – Mr Kreegan contacted Police and handed over the items he found. It was later confirmed the clothing and items found did belong to Passy – the chain and locket were gifts to Passy from her grandmother.
There was also a potential lead from one of Passy’s former neighbours, Amanda Townsend. Ms Townsend resided in an apartment block in Darley Street, Mona Vale – which Passy’s family had resided at, up to just prior to her disappearance; and Passy was known to Ms Townsend. Ms Townsend had washed and hung her clothes to dry, at the rear of the apartment complex, the day before Passy’s disappearance. The following morning, Ms Townsend discovered two items of her clothing had gone missing from the clothesline. These were a black polo neck short-sleeved top and a Size 14 thigh-length blue fleecy hooded jacket with a white lining.
There was a glimmer of hope, regarding Ms Townsend’s lead, especially for Margaret Reyes. There was a theory that Passy had returned to her former home, then stole and changed into Ms Townsend’s clothes; and headed off to other destinations unknown. However, Police ultimately ruled out this lead, for a few reasons. The location of the apartment block was not en-route to Passy’s known movements from her current home to Basin Beach that morning, plus the items of clothing would have been too big on Passy.
Another person known to Passy personally, Gary Spalding, also came forward with leads. Mr Spalding was the father of Passy’s friend, Shantelle; and was also a bus driver by profession. Mr Spalding sighted a young woman with a striking resemblance to Passy, on two occasions in the week following her disappearance, whilst on duties driving buses.
The first sighting by Mr Spalding occurred at 11.00 am on Thursday, 19 July 2001 (the day after Passy’s disappearance), at the intersection of the Wakehurst Parkway and Pittwater Road at Narrabeen – 5.5 kilometres (3.4 miles) from Passy’s home. The woman was wearing a grey jumper with a red V-neck band, similar to the Pittwater High School uniform; and was also carrying a white plastic bag.
The second sighting of the same woman by Mr Spalding, occurred four days later on Monday, 23 July 2001, also along Pittwater Road – but this time 3 kilometres (1.86 miles) from Passy’s home; and again carrying a white plastic bag. It should be noted, in his statement to Police, Mr Spalding said he was only about “thirty percent sure” the woman he saw, was Passy.
About eight weeks after Passy’s disappearance, another lead came into NSW Police. Glenn Emmeriks, an electrician whom had undertaken work over a 3 day period at the Reyes’ home, in the week before Passy’s disappearance. Mr Emmeriks claimed he had just seen Passy at a cake shop at Kings Cross, purchasing bread rolls. Mr Emmeriks was also in the shop at the time, claiming to have stood only 3 meters (approx. 10 feet) away from her at the counter. Mr Emmeriks was served first, with Passy then served at the counter by another person. He claimed to have twigged it was Passy, after hearing her accent; and claimed to be “one hundred percent sure” it was her. He also stated that Passy appeared to be healthier and better in her appearance (her hair appeared to be clean and brushed; and had less acne) compared to the last time that he’d encountered her.
Mr Emmeriks also told Police he deliberately decided not to talk to Passy, as he genuinely believed she did not want to be found – but did attempt, after leaving the cake shop, to double check and see if the woman he saw was indeed Passy, but he lost sight of her.
There were other alleged sightings reported to NSW Police during this period – within Sydney, including at Bondi Beach, Darlinghurst and Belmore Park (opposite Central Railway Station); and also localities interstate.
One strange lead was also reported to NSW Police, alleging that Passy had been moonlighting as an exotic dancer at a strip club, prior to her disappearance. However, this lead was later ruled out by NSW Police – as Passy was confirmed to have been home and studying on the dates she was allegedly rostered at the strip club.
Despite the initial publicity of Passy’s case, the leads would go cold. Aside from her case being featured in 2003, on the news/public interest TV program Insight, on Australian public broadcaster SBS), media interest in Passy’s case also subsided.
In 2008, the NSW Police referred Passy’s case to the NSW Coroners Court, for a Coronial Inquest. The full Findings of Passy’s case have not been made public, the finding was made that Passy had died on or about 18 July 2001, however could not on the evidence presented, determine a finding as to the place, manner and cause of her death.
However, NSW Police have officially kept Passy’s case active and open. In 2011, NSW Police commenced a program to build a DNA database on long term Missing Persons, by obtaining samples from relatives. Margaret Reyes submitted her DNA as part of this program.
In August 2020, NSW Police made Passy’s case was subject of the debut episode of its NSW Police State Crime Command – Investigations podcast. There was renewed media interest and publicity for Passy’s case, coinciding with the podcast – along also with the release of an aged-progressed photo of Passy, from NSW Police.
According to the Today) program on the Nine Network, several new leads were apparently forthcoming following the podcast on Passy’s case. However a more recent article in the Northern Beaches Review (here) – NSW Police have made a more tempered statement, saying the podcast has attracted one lead, however it didn’t shed any light on Passy’s disappearance.
Investigative Theories
Whilst the NSW Police state they are keeping an open mind on Passy’s case, they admit their primary leaning is that Passy took her own life, via suicide by drowning.
However, NSW Police do have two other leading theories to Passy’s case – one is that Passy died in an accidental drowning; the other is that Passy staged her disappearance to start a new life.
NSW Police have also stated their reasoning for their prevailing theory of suicide – based upon the evidence in the case; as well as Passy’s actions and behaviours in the lead up to her disappearance were indicative and symptomatic of “cleansing rituals”. In other words, these “rituals” being acts of closure for Passy, some of them directed to those close to her, prior to suicide.
Police have also confirmed that Passy left her Passport, her bank keycard and her wallet behind at home, when she disappeared – which may arguably support the theory of suicide.
However, her mother Margaret is of the firm belief that her daughter is still alive; and had planned her disappearance to start a new life. According to Margaret, in the lead up to her disappearance, she claims her daughter was openly lying, to both her and her brother, about her whereabouts on the occasions when she did leave the house. Usually, Passy claimed she was going out for a swim – however, this was during the Southern Hemisphere Winter, when ocean temperatures were quite cold. According to her brother Tomas, she would come back from her alleged swim, claiming that the water was nice and warm. Margaret is of the belief that Passy was doing reconnaissance during these alleged “swims”, for her disappearance.
Her brother, Tomas, also believes his sister is alive – however has acknowledged that he’s in recent times considered the possibility that Passy did commit suicide. However, Tomas believes that Passy did leave – possibly as per personality, which he describes her as being a “classic introvert” was in stark contrast to both his and his mother’s self-described “extroverted” and outgoing personalities.
Margaret and Tomas, along with NSW Police, also investigated the possibility that Passy may have returned to Mexico. Tomas in particular, got in contact with relatives from his late father’s side of the family, to investigate if Passy had reconnected with them. However, this lead was to no avail.
Passy’s friend, Shantelle Spalding, also gave her own account regarding the lead up to her disappearance. Passy had contacted Shantelle via phone on Monday, 9 July 2001 (Shantelle had gone away on holiday with friends). During this conversation, Passy had said she was contemplating going to Mexico instead of going to Schoolies on the Queensland Gold Coast at the end of the year, as had been planned with their group of friends. Passy also expressed that she felt her friends had only wanted her to go to Schoolies with them, as she had organised it. Shantelle responded to Passy, saying it wasn’t true and that it might the last opportunity that their group of friends might have in going away together. Passy promised Shantelle she would think about Schoolies.
Also during this conversation, Passy also expressed the importance of their friendship to her; and also spoke about their old times together – however, Passy also confided to Shantelle (and apparently breaking down in tears) that she felt she couldn’t get close to anyone because they’d always let her down.
Passy made another call, this time to Shantelle’s mother – despite the fact that Shantelle was still away. Shantelle’s mother relayed to her that Passy “had said all these things…” and that Shantelle had been “a good friend”; to which Shantelle found to be weird. Shantelle had intended to call Passy upon her return home, but never eventuated. Margaret Reyes contacted Shantelle during the early stages of her search for Passy.
Like Passy’s mother and brother, Shantelle is also of the personal belief that Passy is still alive – and is of the opinion, as Passy was a strong swimmer, that she did not enter the water at Basin Beach and had planted her clothes.
The Vanishing Profile
Upon discovering the newspaper article on Passy, during my cleanout earlier this year (Source: The Sunday Telegraph – via Imgur), I began to research her case. Prior to the renewed interest in Passy’s case following the launch of the NSW Police State Crime Command – Investigations podcast, back in August this year (2020), there was very little out there on Passy’s case on the World Wide Web.
From my own research at the time, there didn’t appear to be any articles on Passy published after 2003 – and some of those original articles were now only retrievable via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine. I did find that Margaret Reyes had been credited as a contributor to a report published by the Australian Federal Police National Missing Persons Coordination Centre, back in 2007 (Source: AFPNMPCC, refer Page 5 of 48 of the linked PDF Document). However, I found nothing online in regards to Passy’s Coronial Inquest held back in 2008.
Aside from this, I did find a post from 2014 (which I won’t be linking, due to this subreddit’s rules) on the social media page administered by the Missing Persons advocacy organisation, the Australian Missing Persons Register. There were comments from people, identifying to have either known Passy personally, or had connections to her – which generally indicated that she was still missing.
However, I will share a discrepancy that I discovered during my research – concerning her Missing Persons profile with our respective law enforcement agencies; which at the time, did raise questions in my mind about the actual status of her case.
Passy’s case is under the jurisdiction of the New South Wales Police – however, the Australian Federal Police also collates information nationally on Missing Persons cases, via its unit, the National Missing Persons Coordination Centre. Both LE agencies have their own public Missing Persons databases - the NSW Police Missing Persons Enquiry System and the AFPNMPCC website (
Passy’s profile existed (and still exits) on the AFPNMPCC website (link), however her profile did not exist on the NSW Police Missing Persons Enquiry System.
Further deepening this mystery, was my research of the NSW Police Missing Persons Enquiry System, via the Internet Archive Wayback Machine. From the following captures dated 24 August 2006, Passy was indeed publicly listed on the NSW Police Missing Persons Enquiry System – the captured links to the alphabetical index listing (link) and Passy’s actual profile (link) supporting this. However, it appears the NSW Police (and presumably, by its now disbanded Missing Persons Unit) removed Passy’s profile from its Missing Persons Enquiry System – as evidenced by this capture of its alphabetical index listing, dated 29 July 2008 (link).
In honesty, this led me to think that possibly - sometime between 2006 and 2008, that either the NSW Police had located Passy, or that Passy herself came forward; and that the case had been solved, but not publicised – hence the removal of her profile by NSW Police, with the AFPNMPCC possibly having her profile up in error. I will admit – my initial drafting of this post was not just about Passy’s case, but it was also to centre around this “mystery within a mystery” - the possibility that this could actually be a solved case.
However, as we know from the podcast from August 2020, Passy’s case is still very much active and that she sadly still remains missing. It appears, the removal of Passy’s profile from the NSW Police Missing Persons Enquiry System, was a mistake by the NSW Police. It should be noted that the NSW Police disbanded the Missing Persons Unit in 2019, after an internal review found it to be inefficient and ineffective (Source: Daily Telegraph); and was replaced by a new unit – the Missing Persons Registry.
The Missing Persons Registry have had some success already – including locating a number of living long term Missing Persons. I’ve also seen evidence that the NSW Police MPR are gradually updating and tidying up its Missing Persons Enquiry System. Admittedly, the search function on the NSW Police Missing Persons Enquiry System is a little glitchy – it does appear, even now, that Passy’s profile has not been reinstated on there. I genuinely hope, given the status of Passy’s case, that her profile is reinstated onto there again soon.
My Opinions and Theories
Passy’s case has been an interesting one for me, since becoming aware of it earlier this year. I think it’s great that the NSW Police, chose her case for their debut episode of their podcast series – which has indeed generated renewed interest and awareness of her case. It also appears that further details of her case, have now been made public in the podcast – which has been of great benefit to my research of her case.
Whilst I admit, I can see why the NSW Police lean towards the theory of suicide by drowning, based on the evidence at present. Also, I acknowledge that relatives of Missing Persons can hold firmly onto the belief that their loved one is still alive and out there, irrespective of the circumstances.
However, I genuinely believe that Passy is still alive and well; and did deliberately disappear to start a new life elsewhere. I think there were a myriad of reasons behind Passy’s decision to disappear.
Firstly, I do think Passy had some underlying mental health issues at the time. I suspect Passy was suffering from depression, as well as high anxiety and stress; and was in the midst of a mental breakdown. It was well publicised in reports following Passy’s disappearance in 2001, about her worries over the HSC. Whilst the HSC was a contributing factor, I don’t think it was the only one for Passy.
I think the trauma of Passy’s early childhood, following her kidnapping and relocation back to Mexico by her late father, greatly affected her well into her teenage years. I think as a result of this, it played into Passy being a socially withdrawn and inverted person, as well has having a degree of distrust of other people and feeling she could not (or unable to) be close to others.
I’m also inclined to believe her brother Tomas’ assessment that her personality was vastly different to either his or their mother’s. I genuinely think Passy’s perception was, she didn’t fit in within her own family and was a ‘black sheep’.
With her aforementioned upbringing, I also think Passy was struggling with her own identity as a person. She had been exploring her Mexican cultural background (particularly through her artworks), but also was balancing that to her upbringing in Australia. It should be noted – whilst there is some awareness of Mexican culture here in Australia (albeit via US culture), Mexican-Australians make up an extremely small number in population within Australia.
Aside from her family, I suspect Passy felt she didn’t fit in at school, with the small number of friends she had, or indeed the general environment of Sydney’s Northern Beaches.
I will concede, the above points do play into the possibility of suicide. However, my feeling is that Passy – as low as she may have felt at the time – was not ready to give up on her life, but was wanting to start things over again.
I’m inclined to believe Margaret Reyes’ assertions that Passy has planned and done reconnaissance for her disappearance – using the cover of “going out for a swim” for this purpose. I think Passy did consciously staged her disappearance as a suicide by drowning – motivated by a couple of reasons. This may sound contradictory, but I think Passy consciously decided to walk out her house, in the early hours of the morning, in her formal dress – to highlight her mental issues and feelings to those she was leaving behind. But I also think that she planted her clothes and personal affects at Basin Beach, giving the appearance of suicide by drowning – as some attempt to give closure to her mother, brother and everyone else in her life. However, given no sign of a body – it has brought the opposite effect to those she left behind.
Although she planned certain aspects of her disappearance, I also think she didn’t think out certain aspects of it. I do suspect she did live rough for the first week or two after her disappearance, around the Northern Beaches of Sydney; and had only taken a small amount of items with her. I’m inclined to believe the sightings reported by Gary Spalding, were indeed of Passy.
I am also inclined to believe Glenn Emmeriks’ account of seeing Passy at a cake shop in Kings Cross, eight weeks after her disappearance. I do think its possible that Passy, by that stage had found some accommodation – either at a boarding house, or possibly a share house, perhaps within the Darlinghurst and Kings Cross area of Sydney.
I also think Passy may have found employment by that stage too – although may have been working cash-in-hand. An issue that’s gained attention in Australia in recent times is wage theft - where businesses, including some major retailers, have paid employees; particularly casual staff; below award wage. There are also accusations that some business have avoided paying payroll tax and superannuation, by paying their casual staff off the books and cash-in-hand. I think it’s plausible that Passy did work under such circumstances for an unscrupulous employer, which would have also allowed her to stay off the grid; and remain undetectable, during this period.
I’m also inclined to believe, as she left her Identity Documents behind, that Passy has taken on a new name and identity. Although not impossible, this would not have been an easy path for her.
Ironically, an easier path would have been for her, to have taken her Passport and other ID Documents, and relocate interstate. She could have slipped through the bureaucratic cracks, using her existing legal identity, if she had relocated interstate – especially back in 2001. Also already being 18 years of age, she had legal right to her privacy as a Missing Person, had she been found.
However, already in her life to that point, Passy had previously changed her name and identity, as a result of her late father abducting her. Therefore, the idea of doing this would not have felt foreign to her. The challenge though for Passy, would be to integrate into society (and in particular, any government and social services) under a new name and identity – especially without her existing ID Documents.
Although a somewhat difficult and expensive way to achieve this – Passy may have paid someone (possibly a syndicate with connections/or access to government departments and databases) to provide her with fraudulent ID Documents under her new name – ones which may have allowed her to access government and other services without arousing suspicions; and allow her to live a normal life.
Although most government databases in Australia were computerised by 2001, it may have been somewhat easier to produce fraudulent ID documents, as well as circumventing the bureaucratic system with them. Also, it is possible that Passy did focus and worked hard to afford and obtain these documents, in her aim to start a new life.
I’m also inclined to believe that Passy has stayed in Australia, but has relocated interstate. Despite her cultural connection to Mexico, I personally feel she has not relocated overseas. Although she may have been looking to escape Sydney’s Northern Beaches – I would not rule out Passy still having an affinity toward the beachside lifestyle. One region of Australia, that I could picture Passy possibly being in, is on the Queensland Sunshine Coast. Although the region is a tourist hub, it is renowned for its laid back lifestyle, its surf beaches; and some areas of it are secluded and tranquil. As Passy, according to her own brother, was someone who enjoyed her own space, I can see such an area appealing to her.
Irrespective of where she is, I can picture Passy otherwise living a normal life. Although I still think she would be a reserved personality – I do think it's a possibility that she has gained confidence and self esteem; and might have made friendships and connections to a small number of people.
However, I suspect that Passy is unwilling to come forward, or to return to any aspect of her former life, at this point in time. I still suspect she is unwilling to reconnect with her mother or brother – perhaps still feeling she is personality-wise, too different to them, to truly have a connection. Also, if as I theorised – that Passy has established a new identity via fraudulent documents, she may have concerns for any potential legal implications of this.
In saying that, I genuinely hope that one day, that Margaret and Tomas do receive answers in regards to Passy; and that perhaps somehow, they can be reunited with her.
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2020.11.22 06:57 TheLivelyHuman How do I know if a guy likes me and not just sticking around to get laid

-Been on like 4 dates with this one dude, most of those he asked me if i wanted to meet up -pretty good dates i think, very chill vibe and we'd hang out for like 3-5 hours -i'm not really flirty or touchy, but he'd like casually do the touch the knee gesture shit -he's been kinda flirty and kinda chivalrous -doesn't really ask me personal questions, dating, sex related or otherwise -for some dates i didn't dress up/was bare faced. -hes a cancer if it matters
-last date(#4) while we were watching TV at his place, he asked me if he can kiss me, i think i said no out of how awk it felt, he hasn't really texted me since
my q is how long would a guy stick around and put on a front/show just to get laid? or how do i know if the dude liked me in the dating sense?
what should i do now? forget about it yolo? thanks!
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2020.11.22 06:23 scrubcity311 Is it normal for a boyfriend to be so oblivious and distant? Confused & hurt

I [24F] just got broken up with out of 8 mo. relationship and I'm still really hurt. I've been wondering what went wrong and just wondering if this behavior is normal for a boyfriend/guy:
My bf [25M] was a sweetheart when we first started dating, went to museums, diners, out to eat. As soon as covid started he became different and immediately switched. I would text him what he was up to, if he wanted to do anything, but always would reply hours later bc he was so busy working on his music album and say "sorry let's do something later!" which is fine but i started getting annoyed because it was every time. I would offer to do fun things, go to forests, concerts, drive-ins but he was too boring to go.
During the summer, he would take HOURS to reply to texts sometimes at night, bc he was always so busy with his music stuff, & when he did reply it was often just abt his music. Which is fine! I knew he was busy. However, started to get hurt when he wouldn't respond. Two times, I texted him something important on a Friday and he responded almost 2 days LATER. The first was a job promotion, the 2nd was an important medical test result. He would reply the next Saturday NIGHT like nothing was wrong and go "sorry! didn't see this! that's great".
Every weekend, he'd say we should go hiking or cabin or a fun outdoor thing. But then he never brought it up again & we never did it. He always went on trips with friends and his sister but I never got invited. He'd come back and just casually say hi. I always got him gifts from my trips but he never did for me.
I started getting very distant & hurt. Just awkward around him bc he didn't really show his affection. I'm VERY shy so hard for me. We'd hang at his place and usually was affectionate during sex. He then complained that "we weren't getting any physically closer". But I had tried to touch him in the beginning, but he didn't react.
Towards the end, I started to call him sometimes crying bc there is some abuse at my home. He would say "Sorry, I just don't know how to help you." and then do nothing. Which is fine. But I feel like I need a little more support. He wouldn't hug me or come over or anything.
At this point I stopped texting him & trying and I asked him (2x) if he still liked me and that I felt alone. He said "of course I do!". But things didn't really change. I started to get distant & got my feelings hurt again so I brought it up, but he said "I don't know how else to help you. We hang out, we eat dinner at my house, & we talk."
I stopped trying 2 months ago & would just sit in silence in the car with him bc I was so sad. He then broke up with me bc "we weren't getting any closer". I feel awful. Is this normal behavior for a guy? Or did I mess it up ?

TL;DR: My boyfriend had odd behavior and didn't seem interested in me whole time. I brought it up and he said otherwise, but then broke up.
Someone in another forum said he may have been unattracted. Before this my confidence was 100%, I have always loved the way I looked and consider myself relatively attractive, was a metal drummer & collegiate lacrosse player. I have black hair and blue eyes and have been told I'm beautiful by many people so I was sort of crushed and confused. I always went out of my way to look good for him and be polite for all occasions .
Is this guy just an idiot?!? Or is it really me? I feel like crap and I'm not dating for a long time again!!!
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